We need to talk.
We've been together for over two years now, and I just don't know where we're going with all this. I know this may be difficult for you to hear, but I think we need to take a break. I know what you're going to say; we're happy, we can make this work, and in the summer time I agree. But in the winter it's like you're a different person. I feel like I don't even know you any more.
I used to look forward to your endless snow drifts and sub-zero temperatures, but now it scares me. I go outside in January and I'm worried you'll hurt me. I can't live like this anymore. Not going outside for the legitimate fear of dying is no way to live. You've done this to me on more than one occasion now. There was the time I slipped on the ice last winter right outside my house. I was on my way to work and realized I had forgotten my phone and you totally took advantage of me, waiting until I tried to rush quickly back to the house before knocking me on my ass. Then just yesterday, you tricked me once again. I thought I was safe taking off my snow boots. I only had to be outside for a minute, but you couldn't let it go. I stepped on the ground and next thing, I saw the sky. Why do you treat me like this?!
Two years I've tried to make it work with you, and you won't even give me a permanent job! I gave up my family and friends to be with you, and you won't even give me PTO and health care....come on!
The truth is, I met some else. His name was Vegas. Nothing happened, but it made me realize I'm just not happy. Some days I want to wake up and see sunshine streaming through the window. Not sunshine that would freeze the snot in my nose, but sunshine that would make me a better person. You know, if I lived in a warmer climate, I'd eat less, I'd be more tanned, I'd even shave my legs occasionally. I'd be better all-round. It's not even about Vegas. It's about living with someone that I don't have to vehemently defend for 6 months of the year.
I'm tired of standing out. I went to buy a case of beer yesterday and had to explain to the clerk in the liquor store where I was from, why I was here, how long I'd been here, how I found the winters. Sometimes I just want to buy a case of PBR without getting the third degree. There are other places I could be where nobody would bat an eyelid that I had a different accent. Sometimes I want to wear a dress without the raised eyebrows and silent 'la-dee-da, who does she think she is' judgments that come with being with you. There is more to life than dressing for practicality. Sometimes a girl should be able to wear heels and a glam outfit without it having to be her wedding day. I'm sorry, Minnesota, but I just don't think you're the one. It's not you, it's me.
Hayley.
5 comments:
I feel your pain. I had the same kind of tumultuous relationship with Calgary. It excited me to start with and we had a lot of friends in common, but after constantly having to shovel the driveway and sidewalk, and getting frostbite, I gave up on us and have regretted walking out and leaving all our mutual friends ever since.
I once also had a fling with Vegas, we were inseparable for 6 days and 6 nights, and I loved how there was nothing taboo within the relationship. But ultimately if it had gone long term it would have destroyed me.
As someone who spent a few years getting into new relationships every six months my advice would be to stick with it, take the good with the bad, don't give up on it so easily, you may find you end up growing old and happy together.
Or, I could just say 'screw it' and move to Cali?
very witty as always HayMay!!! I say come back to Blighty and make your old rellies happy!!! lol xxx
Hayley, baby, don't do this. Don't desert me when I need you most. The winters are just as hard on me as they are on you. Do you think I like being like this? Do you think I want to bury all that's good under these layers of snow and ice? I can't help it; it's my Midwestern upbringing that makes me repress things. I thought you were different. I thought you saw through all that and loved me not in spite of my flaws but because of them. The worst part is people thinking that because of all these cold, hard layers, I can't feel their hatred. Oh, I feel it. And after I give them everything I've got: sunshine and rainbows and boundless fried foods on sticks, fall colors that almost make you cry for the beauty of it all. If you need to move on, I can't stop you. I'm a state and haven't the arms to raise in protest. But just think as you walk out that door. Think of the good times, the laughs. Think of the $20 I'll give you if you stay.
Begging is so desperate. And I had no idea California would be on the table. Ditch Minnesota, she's a frigid bitch by all accounts. California all the way!
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